A Page Turned
by prplerayne
Summary: Sequel to 'My Happy Ending'. They've talked and decided to give their relationship another chance. What happens now? Read on and find out! Ch. 6 finally up!
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1 A Page Turned

A/N: It's here, the sequel to _'My Happy Ending'_. If you haven't read that one yet, you might want to do that or at least familiarize yourself with the specifics of that one or parts of this might not make that much sense to you. I hope you guys enjoy this and please review if you're so inclined! Just fair warning right now that I'm not sure how frequent updates will be. I start back to school on the 15th (Yes, tax day…blech!) so we'll see how the semester treats me. On top of that, I also have three small children and writing is my hobby, not my job. So, please be patient and I'll do my best to put out good material as often as I can! *hugs all the great R&Rs*

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY or any of its central plots and characters. If I did, you would know! I'm not making any money off of this, nor do I intend any copyright infringement.

Danny approached Lindsay front door, his mind working overtime with a hundred thoughts. An entire fucking month; that's how long Lindsay had been in Boston with her friend, and now she was back home. When she called him, informing him of her return, he couldn't wait to get out of the lab. Unfortunately his shift wasn't over for another hour, and he had to get a move on the second the clock struck five if he wanted to get everything together for the impromptu trip down memory lane he had decided to take Lindsay on after their phone conversation.

"_Messer," his usual laconic greeting traveled to her ears._

"_Hey, it's me," she replied happily, the inviting sound of his voice instantly chasing away the weariness that had followed her back from Boston, reminding her of the fun she had had with Penny and Jacob, as well as of the fact that she needed a vacation to recover from her vacation._

"_You sound tired." _

"_A little," she down played her weariness in typical Lindsay fashion. "We had so much fun last night and I didn't get to bed until really late and then got up pretty early to top it off." _

"_How late is really late, exactly?" Danny asked wanting to make certain that, if she had a serious sleep deficit, he wasn't going to suggest they do something that would key her up too much so that she couldn't sleep later. _

"_It was around four o'clock when Penny and I finally threw in the towel and called it a night. Jacob couldn't keep up with us and turned in around one," she recalled fondly. _

_Danny chuckled at the happiness that radiated straight through the phone from her before continuing, "And what time is pretty early?" _

"_Eight." _

"_No wonder you're tired then! Every time I've talked to you while you were away, you two had jam packed days, and then on the heels of a final hurrah you pack up and drive three-and-a-half hours to get back to town. You need to rest up unless you want Mac and Stella questioning if you should take a couple extra days to recuperate from everything." _

"_Dan, I'm fine. I just need a few hours tonight and I'll be up to par for my shift on Sunday. Are you going to come over and see me tonight?" _

"_Do you want me to? I don't want to wear you out too much or anything," he replied cheekily. Sure they weren't yet at that place in their relationship again, but they were getting there. The night of their reconciliation, first base was as far as he'd gotten with her. They had talked a lot that night, until the sun rose the next morning to be exact and he told her that he understood her desire to proceed with caution and not rush into anything. He respected that after all the kissing, talking, and reconnecting she still felt the need to take a step back and make sure that this is what she really wanted and not that she was doing this due to an overflow of emotions between them. While he was glad she still felt like she could tell him all this, after everything he had put her through, he wished she hadn't felt such a need to step back all the way to Boston for an entire month to be sure. _

"_Uh huh, I'm sure wearing me out is the furthest thing from your mind right now," she quipped back just as cheekily. _

"_I just want to be sure that when I do wear you out, Montana, you aren't already too tired to properly enjoy it."_

"_Well, I don't feel up to going club hopping until closing time, but I would really like to see you. I've missed you this month." _

"_I've missed you too Linds," he replied having been caught off guard by her honest admission._

"_So you're coming over?" _

"_I'll be over after shift. We'll do something low key that doesn't require getting all dressed up. How does that sound?" _

"_What low key activity are we going to be doing, exactly," her curiosity had been piqued. _

"_It's a surprise. Just wear a pair of jeans or something and a pretty top. You might want to bring a sweater too…just in case." _

"_Alright, I'll see you in a couple hours then." _

"_I'll see you soon Montana. Bye!" _

"_I'll be waiting. Bye Danny!"_

It took only a moment after he knocked, for her to open the door. When she did, Danny swore that his heart stopped; she was so incredibly beautiful. He hoped to God that he would not only ever get used to the feelings her mere presence generated within him, but he also hoped that he would have her for the rest of their lives. That would be perfect.

"Hi," she greeted sweetly as she stepped aside to let him in.

"Hey. You look really nice," he said taking in her appearance in the dark wash trouser cut jeans, orchid purple embroidered tee and a pair of black wedge slingback sandals.

"Thanks. You don't look too bad yourself," she commented not bothering to hide the appreciative once over she gave him, lingering on the way his pecks and biceps looked in that green shirt of his.

"You think I'm hot," he stated with a smirk.

"What can I say? You're fun to look at Detective Hot Stuff," she whispered as she invaded his personal space and rested her small hands on either side of his waist.

Danny cupped the smooth skin of her cheeks in his hands as he lowered his lips to hers for a long overdue kiss that was anything but chaste. After a couple minutes, when Danny was certain she had been thoroughly kissed and the need for air crucial, he gently sucked on her lips before he reluctantly pulled away.

"Wow."

"Welcome home sweetheart."

"So this is why you had me get dressed, so we could make out in my living room," she laughed.

"No, I do have actual plans for us, making out was just a surprise detour," he grinned down at her. "Are you ready to go shorty?"

"Lead the way," she grabbed her purse and jean jacket off the rack by the door and followed him into the hall. "By the way, I'm not short, I'm fun sized."

Danny chuckled and led her to the elevator with a hand protectively on the small of her back.


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2 Come Away With Me

Disclaimer: I still don't own CSI: NY or any of its characters or plots. Not trying to infringe on anyone's property or copyright. Please don't sue me!

A/N: Okay, so here's the next installment! I hope you all like it! I'm getting to the end of their evening, slowly but surely! School starts next week, so I don't know when I'll be able to update again, but I will when I get a chance. In the meantime, enjoy this installment!

* * *

Half an hour later, the pair arrived at the place where they first met- the zoo. Danny, wanting to surprise Lindsay, had tied a scarf around her eyes so that she couldn't see exactly where they were until he was ready to show her.

"Here we go," he said taking hold of her hand to help her step out of the truck. "Don't move," he instructed once he was sure she had her balance, and grabbed the small wicker basket, as well as the blanket it had been hidden under, from the back of the truck. "Alright, now watch your step," he spoke to Lindsay as he looped his left arm through the crook of her right and firmly clasped her hand. The last thing he wanted was for her to trip or fall and get hurt, so he took care to walk slowly and lead her around any obstacles.

"Danny, what are we doing here?" She wasn't exactly sure where 'here' was, but she'd been able to use her senses of smell and sound to deduce that it was one of the city's zoos or animal conservatories. She just didn't know which one.

"Just be patient sweetheart; I'll let you see in just a minute," he replied as he guided her to sit on a bench and then spread out the blanket ten feet from where she was impatiently waiting. Danny knew that surprises weren't exactly Lindsay's favorite thing, but he just couldn't help himself tonight. He wanted to take Lindsay on a trip down memory lane to revisit a few significant places in their relationship. He wanted to remind her of the good times, of what they had once had, of what they were both fighting to get back.

"Danny, can I see yet?"

"Alright, just a second," he said heading over to her and helping her to stand up before leading her the few feet forward. Once she was positioned perfectly so that she was looking right at the tiger as well as the blanket spread out in front of the enclosure with their simple dinner sitting atop it, he deftly removed the blindfold.

"Danny…" she trailed off, her eyes welling with tears as she took in the scene before her. It was nothing fancy, but to her it was wonderful.

"I know it's not anything fancy, and I _will_ take you on a proper date with flowers, wine, dancing and dinner reservations, but I wanted to welcome you back home so I…"

"It's perfect," she interrupted his nervous blathering.

"You really like it," he asked in mild surprise. At most, he had expected her to be mildly amused at the corniness of it.

She leaned up and brushed her lips against his cheek affectionately, "I really do. It's just what I want after coming back from vacation. Low key and simple, but very sweet."

"Well, let's eat then! I have a couple more things up my sleeve before the night is over," he replied sitting next to her on the blanket and placing one of the Cuban sandwiches he'd gotten from her favorite deli, and a bottle of iced tea in front of her along with the large Styrofoam container that held dessert.

"What's in here," she asked reaching for the container, only to have Danny pull it out of her reach.

"Uh uh, not until after we've eaten."

"I can't even have a peek?"

"No."

"Why not," she pouted.

"You're cute when you pout," he said, ignoring her question all together.

"I'm not pouting."

"Okay, you're not pouting," he placated before leaning over to give her a kiss, "now hurry up and eat so you can see what's in the container."

After a few minutes, the couple had consumed their sandwiches and was finally ready to move on to dessert. Luckily, Danny had a friend who was a pastry chef that specialized in custom pastries and baked goods, and had also agreed to do this for Danny when Lindsay returned. Sure he'd paid his friend extra for doing it on such short notice, but he really wanted to do something special to remind her of their first "meal" together.

"Alright, I know I've made you wait for dessert, but it's a special surprise. I wanted to see if you remembered the story behind this," he explained as he opened the lid to reveal their dessert.

The peal of laughter that erupted from her, told her that she did remember the story behind the dessert.

"I take that to mean that you remember?"

"Of course I remember! How could I ever forget that? They even look the same," she laughed as she gestured to the two spider shaped, cream puff pastries sitting innocently in the box.

"When you just dug right in, no hesitation at all, I knew you were something special," he said handing her one on a napkin.

"And when you only gave Mac five bucks, I knew you were afraid I'd actually do it," she quipped taking a bite of the pastry just like she had the fried spider two years earlier.

"I wasn't afraid at all! I was actually pretty certain you'd be grossed out by it as much as Flack was," he defended.

"Oh really? Then why not bet more than that if you were so confident," she shot back.

"That's all I the money I had, save for the gelato I bought you for being such a good sport about it."

"Really? That bug spread must have cost you a small fortune."

"It did! That's why Mac only got five bucks. This is only stop one of our evening of whimsy you know."

"There's more," she questioned as she scooped some cream off the side of his mouth with her finger, allowing him to lick it off.

"Well, then let's go! I want to see what else you've come up with to entertain me."

The pair packed up the remnants of their picnic and headed back to the truck. As they drove to the next destination on the list in Danny's head, Lindsay was in awe that he'd decided to do this for her, for them. When he pulled up to a school in Manhattan, she was thoroughly confused. What the hell was this place? She couldn't recall it off the top of her head like the zoo.

"What the hell are we doing here?"

"Come on, get out," he instructed as he opened his door and waited for her to follow suit. When she just continued to stare at him as if he'd just suggested they have that bungee sex she'd told him about awhile back he knew she needed a bit more prodding.

"Do you trust me?"

"To an extent," she answered honestly.

He knew that was a risky question to ask her, but her answer pleased him to no end. Given how horrible he'd been to her since Ruben's death, he couldn't have blamed her one bit for giving a flat out negative answer.

"Then please just follow me. I'm not gonna hurt you, or bite…at least not in public," he finished off cheekily, causing her to roll her eyes before leaving the truck just like he'd requested. When he locked the doors, she figured that they'd either be at destination number two for a while or destination number three was nearby and they'd be walking. Danny took her hand and led her to a spot on the sidewalk about fifty feet away from the school, in front of a grey building. When she was positioned just where he wanted her, he took stood before her and took her hand in his. Like a flash, the memory assaulted Lindsay's mind.

"You ever been to the scene of a shooting where the vic's hand is actually frozen in place? You can actually take the gun; slide it right into the palm. Perfect fit," he recited the same explanation that he'd given her during the doll hospital case as he looked into her eyes, imploring her to see the truth and meaning in his words.

"Just like it used to be," she replied looking at her small hand encased in his much larger one. She read him perfectly.

"You didn't grow up with hardwood floors, did you," she questioned, seemingly out of nowhere, after disentangling their hands.

"Nope, Bronx marble."

"What's that?"

"Linoleum," he replied, remembering every detail of the day when he started to become addicted to her. Lindsay chuckled and leaned in to place a kiss on his scruffy jaw as she ran her fingers through that mess on the top of his head.

"You need to shave. And get a haircut before rodents start thinking the top of your head is inhabitable. The last thing I want is to kiss you and have a sewer rat bite me."

"You don't like being bitten? I didn't know that," he replied with a wink.

"By rabies carrying rodents. I don't like being bitten by rabies carrying rodents, smart ass."

"Okay, the next time I have a day off, I'll go get a haircut because my wonderful girlfriend requested it."

"Or," Lindsay interjected, hoping for his hair to be cut within the next couple of days instead of the next time he got around to it, "you could let me do it."

"What," Danny hadn't foreseen that proposal. She must really want it done now. _'To erase all visible reminders of what an asshole I've been to her,' _he mused.

"Yeah, it would be nice. I could cut it tonight, it would save you the money and, I know it's going to still be a length I like; that I can run my fingers through."

That did it. Danny was ready to agree to anything that Lindsay would like, and if she was planning to run her fingers through it, that made it all the better. "Okay, when we get back I might cooperate and let you cut my hair."

"I'll just hog tie you if you won't be still," she jested.

"As if you could, country girl," he grinned down at her.

"Don't tempt me cowboy," she said with a mock glare.

"Alright, alright, don't hurt me," he glanced down at his watch, "we better get going if we want to get to our final stop on time."

"Where are we going?"

"Just down this way," Danny replied, clutching her hand and tugging her along the busy street with him.

"What's down this way?"

"Stop number three."

"What's stop number three?"

"A surprise," he knew she was fishing for information, and having anticipated this, he was prepared for any question, bribe or whining she might throw his way.

"Give me a hint."

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Just a little hint, one so small that you can't even call it a hint," Lindsay didn't really like surprises, and she wanted to see if she could make Danny crack before they got to where ever it was they were going.

She was enjoying this! "It was your idea," he finally gave her a hint that was so small it didn't even count as a real hint.

"Was it a good idea or a bad idea?"

"Well, I think it was a brilliant idea. I got to spend an hour with you outside of work."

That got her to stop fishing as she spent the next three minutes, running through her memory trying to figure out what he was talking about. It was the sound of Danny's voice that brought her back into the moment.

"Here we are."

"Yeah, I would say this was one of my more brilliant ideas," she giggled as she looked up and realized that they were at Cozy's. As it turned out, Mac's band had been asked to play an extra gig this particular night.

"Well, look at that. Mac's band is playing tonight. I don't think he's ever played on a Friday before," Danny spoke casually as he opened the door for his date.

"You didn't know?"

Danny shook his head in response.

"Are you sure you didn't know," she asked skeptically.

"Well, I may have heard him say something about it when I ran past his office to get out of the lab. Apparently, it was a last minute request from a friend."

In response, Lindsay just nodded and followed him to a booth in the corner where he slid in next to her just as the waitress came up and took their drink orders. The waitress, a buxom red head, never took her green eyes off Danny, and Danny never removed his arm from Lindsay's shoulders as he quickly placed their orders before turning his attention back to the petite woman at his side.

"She was checking you out."

"Let her. I'm only interested in one woman tonight and it isn't her."

"Only one woman, huh? Care to tell me who she is?"

"You might know her actually. She's cute and little," he began to explain.

"Little?"

"I'm sorry, I mean she's fun sized."

Lindsay smiled at him, "that's all?"

"No, she's also got a great sense of humor, is super smart, and she carries around this wicked looking buck knife in her pocket. Says her dad gave it to her for her ninth birthday."

"She sounds familiar. I bet she's interested in you too," she practically purred and placed a kiss behind his ear.

Just then, the waitress showed up with their orders and a couple extra buttons undone on her way-to-tight white shirt. Once the waitress was done undressing Danny with her eyes as he simply nodded his thanks and glanced at the stage, she left with a disappointed look on her face.

"I think she likes you," Lindsay whispered.

"I'm taken," he whispered back, claiming her lips. Only the sound of Mac's voice broke their spell.

For the next hour, the couple sat there listening to the music, which included one of Lindsay's favorite songs, "When I Fall in Love". After the set ended, she excused herself to go to the ladies room. As Danny sat waiting, Mac walked up to the table.

"Danny, I didn't expect to see you here tonight."

"Oh, hey Mac! Nice set. Have a seat," Danny had been so caught up in thinking about what would happen when he took Lindsay home that he didn't notice the older man walk up to him.

"You here alone," Mac started a conversational interrogation fit for a public setting.

"Ah, no. I'm here with Lindsay actually," Danny answered suddenly feeling his seat grow hot.

"Really? How is that going?"

"It's going good. We're slowly getting back to being us."

"That's good. You two are good for each other," the senior CSI stated confidently.

"She's definitely good for me. I'm just sorry I had to lose her to figure that out," a hint of remorse at his past actions laced Danny's voice.

"Don't sell yourself short Danny. You're just as good for her as she is for you. How many men do you know that would fly across the country for only a few hours to make sure a woman they're not even dating is okay? I know married men that wouldn't even do that."

"I love her Mac. I loved her even then. I just had to be there for myself to make sure she was okay. If I'd had any indication that she wasn't, then I would have found a way to stay with her until she was."

"I don't doubt that, Danny. You showing up when she was reaching her breaking point meant the world to her."

"You think so?"

"I know so," he replied looking up just as Lindsay was entering ear shot.

"Hey Mac!"

"Hello, Lindsay. It's nice to see you back. How was your trip," he smiled affectionately at the younger CSI, whom he'd sort of considered the daughter he never had.

"It was great. It was nice to see Penny again after so long. The break from dead bodies was just what I needed," she joked as she sat back next to Danny.

"I'm glad you had fun. I'll see you on Sunday?"

"Yep, I'll be working eleven to seven."

"Lucky. I have to be in at eight," Danny mumbled teasingly.

"You also get off three hours earlier than me," she replied back.

"Well, you two have fun deciding who's got the better Sunday shift," he knew them too well. "I'll see the both of you later," Mac laughed as he excused himself. He liked Danny and Lindsay, both separately and together as a couple. He hoped that they were going to make it this time.

"Night Mac," they said in unison before turning their attention back to each other.

"You about ready to go," Danny asked, noticing the look that she always got when she was getting tired appear on her face.

"Yeah, I suppose we should get going," she said finishing her wine.

"We can stay if you want."

"No, no I'm ready to go. I want to cut that disaster area off your head before I get too tired anyway."

"I don't want you butchering half my head now," he warned, leading her to the door.

"Don't worry, Dan. I'm not that tired. I just want to get rid of a couple inches, not do a hack job."

"Promise I'm not gonna have any weird shapes cut into my head?"

"No weird shapes. Maybe just the word 'Moo'," she replied as he closed her door and went around to the driver's side.

"I don't think so," he growled when he heard her giggle, "letters count as weird shapes."

"Alright, no weird shapes, letters, words, numbers or mathematical equations," she was laughing now.

"That's more like it," Danny started the truck and headed in the direction of her apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3 Reflections

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY and no copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they entered Lindsay's apartment again. After replacing her jacket on the hook next to the door and removing his shoes, as he'd become accustomed to doing whenever he was in her apartment, Danny took advantage of her back being to him and quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against his chest as he attacked her neck with his lips, teeth and tongue.

"Danny," she groaned when he nipped the underside of her jaw.

"Hmm," he wasn't really paying attention, so focused was he on leaving his mark on her for the first time in far too long. _'You could have been doing this all along if you weren't such a selfish little bastard,'_ the self deprecating voice in his head taunted.

"What are you doing?"

"Being affectionate."

"Well don't leave a mark," she giggled, somehow knowing that was already a moot point.

"Oops," he said grinning cheekily when she spun around to face him.

"What brought this sudden burst on," she questioned as she leaned up to peck his lips, "are you trying to distract me from butchering your head?"

"One, you promised not to do a hack job and two, I have a lot to make up for," he finished on a somber note.

"Danny, you're not going to make up for everything in one night. You made a mistake. What's done is done, and sometimes no matter what you do, you can't fix it. You either stay in a place of guilt and regret for the rest of your life or move forward and start fresh," she explained, grabbing his hands and leading him to the sofa.

"How did you get to be so smart about this?"

"After my friends died, I made a horrible, horrible mistake. Live and learn I guess."

"What did you do? Or is that something you don't feel comfortable telling me yet?"

Lindsay took a deep breath, this was a defining moment. She could tell Danny about the miscarriage, and trust that he wouldn't look at her as a different person, or she could clam up and take the out he'd given her. Given that Danny was taking his own leap of faith, namely letting her decide how to cut his hair and trusting that she wouldn't butcher it, she came to the conclusion that it was the time to take her own leap of faith and trust him with her secret.

"There was this boy," she began, "after the murders no one really paid any attention to me. It was like they were afraid of me."

The thought of someone being afraid of Lindsay was absolutely ludicrous to Danny. Sure, her petite size was deceptive and she could be just as intimidating as him, if not more, when the situation called for it, but she certainly didn't come across as the kind of person one would be afraid of.

"Why were they afraid of you? You survived a mass murder, you didn't commit one."

"Not everyone thought the way you do," she stated flatly.

"What," Danny shouted in shock. "What in the hell made them think that?"

"I grew up around guns. My Dad took Luke and I hunting for the first time when we were ten, and taught us how to safely use and handle guns, with his supervision, well before that. Unlike most of my friends, or girls in the town, I wasn't very domestic. If I had the choice between helping Mom make dinner or shoveling horse poop and braiding rawhide with Dad, I would rather be wherever he was at. Mom told me that everyone on the ranch used to call me Lucas's shadow because I followed him everywhere from the time I could walk," she recalled her father fondly. "The fact that the bastard who killed my friends wasn't caught for years only fueled the fire."

"Let me see if I have this right," Danny interrupted, "it made sense to people that you did it because you were knowledgeable with guns, the only one left alive, and the dirt bag wasn't caught immediately?"

"Yeah," she stated as if that should make perfect sense.

"So, I'm guessing it wasn't only the kids that thought this?"

"Sometimes, their parents were worse than they were, especially the mothers of daughters. I guess they were horrified by the idea that a teenage girl could do that," she recalled the town mentality that caused her loneliness in the first place.

"But a teenage girl didn't do it."

"They know that now, but at the time, I was the only one they had to blame for their daughters' deaths. And blame me they did. I remember running errands for my mom when she was too drunk to do them herself, and all the while people would be standing behind me whispering about how I was 'a danger to society' and that I 'should be locked up like the murderer I was'," she wiped away a tear that had escaped down her cheek at the hurtful memories.

Danny pulled her against his side, anger building up inside him at the cruelty she was subjected to at such a delicate time in her life, "so is it safe to assume this boy wasn't one of the people that were cruel to you?"

"Not exactly," she suddenly wasn't in as much of a hurry to elaborate.

"What did he do? What did that mean boy do to my precious Montana," Danny cooed in an overly dramatic voice, getting a laugh out of her and prodding her into talking more.

"He was my first."

"I could have gone without knowing that for the rest of my life," he knew it was silly and possessive of him, but just the idea of another man...or boy, doing what _he_ did with his Montana, made Danny want to hit something…preferably the boy in question.

"I was fourteen years old, Dan," she laughed at his carping behavior. "Besides, I don't think the rest of the story would make any sense if I let you think you were my one and only."

"It might not help the point of the story, but it would make me feel pretty damn special," Lindsay could see his ego inflating like a blowfish right in front of her.

"You're the only one I've ever told about this. Well, aside from my parents and brother. Oh, and some random aunt I've only met one time. So, I'd say that puts you in quite an elite group."

"Alright, I see your point. Now will you tell me what happened with you and the boy?"

"Well, like I said, he was my first," she nervously fidgeted with her fingers and avoided eye contact.

"Your first time wasn't that great."

"Danny, I got pregnant by him."

Nothing in the world could have prepared him for those words coming from her. The shocked expression on his face made this very clear to Lindsay. She decided that since she didn't want to go through this conversation again anytime soon, that she might as well just tell him what that little weasel's prize was for sleeping with her.

"I got pregnant and he got fifty bucks for bagging the weird girl from the diner," she blurted out before a wave of tears choked her up completely.

"Oh my god," he muttered as he gathered her in his arms, burying his face in the crook of her neck and rubbing soothing circles over her back until she calmed down. Danny could go home and beat the living hell out of something later. Right now though, Lindsay needed him to be calm and focused.

"What happened next," he asked when she'd calmed down and managed to look up at him, offering a weak attempt at a smile in an attempt to show him that she was alright.

"Mom and Dad went bananas. Mom went on this semi-drunken rant about how I would never be a good mother because I was too damaged from the murders, and Dad went to load his gun and go kill the little bastard that dared fuck with his daughter," seeing the disturbed look on Danny's face she clarified, "his exact words, not mine."

"What about Luke?"

"Luke knew well enough to get the hell out of there and hope that they didn't kill me for this. Once the yelling calmed down, I did too."

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. What happened to the boy? What about the baby?"

What happened to the baby? This was the question Lindsay had been dreading since her last conversation with her mother. "Well, he heard that I'd gotten pregnant, and immediately went into damage control mode and told everyone I was a slut who slept with anyone for attention. Unfortunately for him, that comment got back to Luke and the resulting fight left the kid's jaw wired shut from Thanksgiving thru New Years," Lindsay had always tried to be compassionate towards other people, but recalling seeing him around town eating through a straw and not able to say anything to her, brought a twinge of satisfaction she couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for. After all, the bastard was suffering in his own right.

Though he'd never met Luke Monroe, Danny immediately took a liking to Lindsay's only sibling, "Good for Luke!"

Lindsay chuckled at the response, "Dad wouldn't admit it when Luke got hauled into the precinct wearing bracelets for the beat down, but I think he was proud too."

Danny looked around her apartment before gently stating, "I don't see any indication of a teenager living here, so I take it you didn't keep the baby?"

"I had a miscarriage. That Christmas Eve, I started cramping and bleeding. Mom took me to the hospital and they confirmed it; I'd lost the baby."

"I'm so sorry," he knew it wasn't much but he felt like he should say something.

"Mom wasn't sorry. I don't think I'd seen her as happy as she was, when the doctor told me I'd lost the baby, in a long time," Lindsay recalled the immense heartbreak she felt at not only having lost a baby, _her_ baby, but also that her mother was so damn happy about it.

'_The miserable drunken bitch!'_

"Her teenage daughter had just suffered a miscarriage and the woman was happy," Danny was in complete shock at the lack of caring towards her children, but especially Lindsay, that Lucy Monroe displayed. He hoped he would never have to meet the woman, or he feared he might tell her what he thought of her parenting.

"She said it was the best outcome we could have hoped for," seeing Danny's face redden in anger, she explained her mother's rationale; a rationale Lindsay had come to accept over the years... in a way. "After the murders I wasn't right in the head, Danny. I became angry, withdrawn, depressed and, afraid. That was the person my Dad brought home from the hospital the next day, not the happy, outgoing, brave, motivated Lindsay my family had always known."

"You witnessed something that was absolutely horrifying Lindsay! Of course you completely changed that night. Honey," he snaked his left arm under her calves and pulled her legs up until her thighs were resting over his while he used his right arm to maneuver her upper body so that she was effectively sitting in his lap, her head resting comfortably in the crook of his neck, "even though you were fourteen, you were still practically a child. I can't even begin to imagine how your brain attempted to process what had happened."

"My mom told me that because of what I witnessed and how I wasn't coping with it, I was too damaged to ever be a mother, so I couldn't have kept my baby if he had lived anyway," she explained.

"What were you supposed to do then, have an abortion?"

"No, that wasn't even an option. Mom said that my only choice was to have the baby and then give him up. When I had the miscarriage, it had already been arranged that the day after Christmas I was going to live with my aunt in Missoula. I would stay with her until I had the baby, and then as soon as the doctor said I could travel, I was supposed to come back home and start the new school year like nothing ever happened."

"So you got enough medical care before you lost the baby that you knew when your due date was," Danny was genuinely curious as to whether Mrs. Monroe's embarrassment over her teenage daughter getting pregnant had prevented the woman from getting her child the medical attention a pregnant teenager would require.

"Right after I found out I was pregnant, my parents took me to a clinic in Butte where they confirmed that I was pregnant and did a sonogram. From the sonogram and the date of my last period, they figured out that I was due in mid-August. In other words, I could go live with my aunt and continue the pregnancy. Then I was to give birth and hand him over to some strangers that would be his Mom and Dad. I would be back in Bozeman just in time to start ninth grade in September."

"Your parents had it all planned out, didn't they?"

"Yep, right down to the fact that my aunt would be the one to pick the baby's parents."

"You had no input? You were just supposed to pop the kid out and forget anything had ever happened," Danny was truly appalled now. He couldn't even fathom what it must have been like for her to know that she was supposed to carry that baby for nine months and not get attached since she was expected to give him away practically as soon as the cord was cut.

"I was told that it would be better if I didn't even see or hold him after the birth. My mom said it would be less painful if they just took the baby out of the room right away. That way I could sign the papers relinquishing my rights as the mother and never speak of the baby again," she took Danny's hand in hers and kissed the fingertips that had just tenderly wiped away the inundation of bitter tears that saturated her cheeks. The tears of a grieving mother.

"You keep referring to the baby as a boy," Danny whispered as he realized, with a crushing pang of compunction that not only could she relate to how he felt when Ruben died, but on some level, she could also relate to how Rikki felt. Maybe being able to understand what it felt like to lose someone you were so close to both from the viewpoint of a friend and that of a mother, is why she had chosen to forgive him. He really needed to thank her for that. Not right now though; now was a time to let her talk about the child she had both conceived and lost so unexpectedly. Now was a time to let her come to the realization that this loss hadn't been for nothing, that talking about it was helping Danny to understand her, and himself, more than he could ever express.

"If the baby had lived, whether I'd been able to keep him or not, I think I would have had a son. When I dream about the baby, about what could have been, I see a baby boy with big blue eyes, chubby cheeks, button nose and a dimple in his chin just like mine. He has fine brown hair and the most perfect little ears you've ever seen on a baby," she described the image she'd secretly kept locked away in her heart where no one could take him from her.

"You would have been a wonderful mother," Danny confirmed seeing how her whole demeanor changed when she talked about her angel baby, "it would have been difficult for a fifteen year old to do on her own, but I know you would have done a fantastic job with him."

"You think so," she sniffled as she met his gaze. No one had told her that back then, and she had just come to accept that she would be no better of a mother to her children than her mother was to her.

"I know so. Maybe one day you'll get that chance and you'll see what an amazing mother you could be."

Touched by his words, Lindsay leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth, "Thank you for saying that. Thank you for listening to me."

"Thank you for telling me your story. It must be incredibly difficult to relive that time in your life. Thank you," he said as she stood and pulled her up against his chest in a strong embrace.

"I'm not going to lie, Danny, that year after my friends were killed was almost unbearable. At times, I wanted to give up; the world was completely unfair and everyone in it could just go to hell for all I cared," she mirrored how he felt in regards to Ruben's death through her own tragedy.

"But you didn't give up and things got better," he noted.

"And things will get better for you too," she whispered. "You have to let people in though, Danny. There are people who love you and want to help. I love you, but you can't shut me out again. Okay? No matter what, please don't shut me out," she pleaded softly, pulling him back into a hug.

"Okay."

"Promise," she mumbled into his neck.

"I promise. I won't push you away, not ever again," he vowed as he pressed his lips into her hair.

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A/N: Alright folks! There you have it! I know some of you were looking forward to some hair cutting silliness, but Danny and Lindsay had other ideas for this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch 4 Somebody to Love

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI: NY or any of its central characters or plots therein. In other words, it's not mine, nor am I claiming it is. I'm just doing this for fun, so don't sue me please.

A/N: I know, I know, it's been forever since I've updated. I'm really, really, really sorry that it's taken me so long, but with school and everything, life has been extremely busy for me and fanfic has been kind of low on the priority list. But, rest assured, I still intend to update whenever I can. Just be prepared that it could be a good while between updates. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think!

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"For God's sake Daniel, be still," she scolded for the umpteenth time since he'd sat down in the 'hot seat', as he called it.

"Don't take off too much!"

"If you don't be still, the phrase 'Red Sox Fan' could very well end up carved into the back of your head," Lindsay threatened, knowing that would get him.

"Now that's just plain mean, Montana," Danny groused, giving her a dirty look.

Sniggering, she turned his head back around in order to make sure the hairline on the back of his neck was neatly trimmed. Pleased with her work, Lindsay removed the sheet she'd draped over him like a barber's smock. "There, all finished. No words, letters, numbers, mathematical equations, or offensive baseball team names carved into your head."

Danny stood up and, grabbing one of his girlfriend's tiny hands, headed straight for the bathroom mirror to have a look at the final product.

"Seriously Linds, threatening to brand me as a Red Sox fan is just cruel! Why would you do such a thing," he good naturedly complained as he ran his fingers through the two less inches of hair on his head as she held up a mirror for him to see the back.

"Because your reaction was priceless," she giggled when he shot her a look in the mirror. "Seriously, Dan, it's just a baseball team. What's the big deal? It's not like I just told you I have the hots for Sid or something," the horrified look on his face at her statement effectively caused Lindsay to erupt into a full blown laughing fit.

"Now that is just wrong on _so_ many levels," he mumbled as he turned and pulled her against his chest. Feeling her petite frame securely pressed against his much larger one, pleasant warmth slowly spread through his entire body. Over the past year or so, Danny had come to recognize this feeling, a feeling he'd never felt with another woman, as love. "Thank you," he murmured as he pressed a delicate kiss into her hair.

"For what," she asked looking up to briefly catch his lips with hers.

"For not butchering my head or engraving me with a phrase that would inevitably brand me as a social outcast here," he joked at the end.

"I still don't see what the big deal is with being a Red Sox fan," she stated sweetly. In reality, Lindsay knew what the big deal was for Danny. Being a Yankee fan was something of a family tradition in his world, and openly being a fan of a team other than the Mets in New York was the equivalent of treachery. Still, this knowledge didn't stop Lindsay from messing with him. "Except for being able to still smell the molasses in the air on a really hot day, it's a nice city and the locals are very nice people."

Handing her one of the glasses of lemonade he'd just retrieved from the fridge, Danny leaned against the counter opposite of her and stared suspiciously, knowing she was just trying to rile him up now. Finally, something she said got the better of him and he asked, "The smell of molasses on a hot day? What in the world are you talking about?"

"It's true!"

Danny could feel the excitement radiating off her. It was the kind of excitement only Lindsay displayed at the prospect of being able to share completely random and totally useless trivia. "I'm listening," he gave her the green light to continue as he nursed his drink.

"In 1919, a tank full of molasses exploded and covered a neighborhood in two or three feet of it!"

Danny choking on his drink was the only sound to be heard in the tiny Queens apartment. While he'd become accustomed to Lindsay's penchant for sharing such random, yet historically accurate, trivia, this one was right at the top of the 'amusement meter'. He knew it wasn't supposed to be funny, really he did, and he didn't want to laugh, but the mental image she'd created of molasses everywhere was just too good to resist and he allowed himself a hearty chuckle.

"That's a true story too," she told him. Penny's boyfriend, who was born and raised in Boston, had told the women of the disaster as well as the folklore that had come about regarding it; earning the same reaction from both Lindsay and Penny.

"Where did you hear that from?"

"Jacob told Penny and me about it over dinner one night."

"So you like Jacob," Danny switched the subject to a more relevant topic.

"Yeah, he's a nice guy. He treats Penny well. Opens doors and pulls out chairs for her. Listens to her when she talks and is just a really respectful guy. He reminds me of you, actually."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"That's a very good thing! I still think you're a pretty special guy, Danny. Yes you fucked up, but you admitted it and we want to be together so we're doing our best to work through things and get back on track," there were times that it was still hard and, if she were completely honest with herself, she worried about how he would react the next time something bad happened to him or someone he cared about. She knew in her heart of hearts that Danny wasn't the kind of man, who would run out and cheat on her just to cheat, but she didn't think she'd ever be able to forgive him if he did it again.

"It really does make me happy to hear you say that," Danny began before heading into the living room with her following him.

"But," she was afraid of what he might say next, she wouldn't deny it. Had the past few months taught him that he just wasn't the type for serious relationships, and last night was nothing more than a final date?

Looking in her eyes and seeing her brain whirling with every possible worst case scenario, he smiled gently before continuing where he'd left off, "but more often than not, I really feel like I don't deserve you."

"Danny, what are you saying?"

"Well, I'm not saying good bye," he told her seeing that she was trying not to show that she was getting upset at the direction of this conversation, "because if you want me out of your life Lindsay, you're gonna have to forcibly kick me out since I'm not going anywhere. At least not willingly." The look of relief on her face made him want to grab her up in his arms and chastise her for even entertaining such thoughts; and then he wanted to take her to bed and make love to her. However, this still wasn't the time for such intimacies. As much progress as they'd made in their communication over the past month, they still weren't ready to catapult their physical relationship into that place; not yet anyway.

"I don't want you out of my life Danny. If I did, I never would have let you back into it in the first place. However, I do want to know what's brought all this on. Ever since I got back yesterday, you haven't been acting like yourself and that's starting to worry me," she hoped her honesty would help him to talk about his feelings; something she knew they both needed to work on if they were going to have any chance of surviving as a couple.

"I don't know Linds. It's just that, I've had a lot of time to think about things, I mean really think about things this month."

"That's a good thing. I've done a lot of thinking too. Danny," she took a seat on the sofa and motioned for him to sit down, and he did, angling his body so that they were face-to-face, "what happened, you having an affair, is a huge deal and many relationships don't survive infidelity. If we want to beat the odds, we need to really think about what happened, who played what role, and acknowledge it. This is something that we need to work on, separately as well as together. It's not something that's going to be easy and it sure as hell won't be a quick fix, but we owe it to ourselves to either really work on our relationship, or go our separate ways."

Hearing her words, Danny winced. He'd cheated. He knew that and he'd admitted it; but to hear her call it an affair hurt more than he'd imagined one word ever could. He nodded thoughtfully before continuing, "I've been seeing someone this month."

"You have," the night he'd confessed to cheating on her flashed in her mind. He wasn't talking about seeing someone like that and she knew it, but her automatic reflex was to tense up and wait for the crushing blow.

"Yeah, a counselor. Mac suggested I go see him, talk about what happened, how I reacted, how I felt, how my actions made others feel. I will never do that to you again Lindsay, I swear it," he explained, finally looking her in the eye at the end and soothing her fears as best he could.

"I know you wouldn't Danny."

"Do you? I know I messed up, Linds. I know that I violated your trust and hurt you in ways I probably can't fathom. I couldn't fault you for not totally believing me here."

"I've spent a lot of time this month, talking things over with Penny and Jacob. Really thinking about what it is I want to do here. What would be the right thing to do? I've even been calling Luke and talking to him, hoping the right answer would just pop into my brain."

"And?"

"And I decided that I think too much," she laughed half-heartedly.

"What is it that you're thinking? What is your mind telling you to do here," he knew Lindsay didn't much care for talking about her thoughts or how she felt, especially when the subject matter was something as emotional as this, as well as he knew that the sky is blue so he had to tread very carefully here. If he pushed too hard he ran the risk of her clamming up, but if he wasn't insistent enough he ran the risk of allowing her to gloss over the issue; and he knew that wouldn't do either of them any good at all.

" I've spent a lot of years keeping people at arm's length so that I wouldn't have to be in this situation, or have to think about what comes next in a relationship," that wasn't the answer to his question and she knew that, but she honestly didn't know what to tell him. When she thought over what she was supposed to do, her mind and her heart seemed to cancel each other out with conflicting messages and all she ended up with was, what she had termed, 'emotional white noise' and no definitive answers.

Running his hand through his hair, Danny took a deep breath and prepared to respond. She wasn't glossing over the issue, but she was balking at it, and that just wouldn't do. "Well, I like to think I've gotten closer to you than arm's length so it seems, to me at least, that thinking about the next step is not only logical, but necessary."

Recognizing that familiar feeling of being trapped in a situation, Lindsay reflexively wrapped her arms around her middle and averted her gaze to a random spot on the floor as she started to crawl inside herself; a response to highly emotional situations that was so well rehearsed, she didn't even recognizing she was doing it. Danny, however, recognized her overall demeanor as being very similar to when she began pushing him, and everyone else she had befriended in the lab and police department, away after getting that life altering phone call from the Bozeman prosecutor's office.

"No ma'am," he said softly yet firmly, laying the rough palms of his large hands atop the smooth backs of her much smaller ones. He waited patiently until he felt some of the tension leave her torso before cocooning her hands in both of his, effectively unfolding her arms from around herself and bringing their joined extremities to rest on her thighs. "Look at me, Lindsay."

Slowly, her whiskey colored eyes met the cerulean of his. "Letting people get close to you, on an emotional level, isn't something you're very used to or even comfortable with; I get that, but it's something that needs to happen. If we're really in this for the long haul, we both need to let each other in."

He was right, she knew that. She was in this for the long haul, she knew that too. Her heart belonged to Danny Messer, and when she pictured her future, she saw him. However, she just didn't seem to be able to quiet the internal voice that questioned if he was as committed to them as she was.

"You're right, I know that."

Sensing that there was more that she needed to say, he gently cajoled her to keep talking, "but something is still holding you back. What is it?" When she started chewing on her bottom lip, a sign that she was considering what to say or if she should even say anything, his gentle encouragement helped her make a decision. "Baby girl, I know you want to work on us as much as I do. But the only way I really know what needs work and how it needs to be worked on is if you talk to me. I know you aren't trying to hurt me by being honest, so if that's what is stopping you, don't worry about it. I would rather have you be honest and chance hurting my feelings than placate me and us continuing with this pattern we seem to have of pulling each other close and then pushing each other away," his eyes pleaded along with his words, hoping to break through that emotional block she still held to steadfastly.

"I don't want to get hurt again. Before you, the only people who have really gotten to know me, I mean the _real_ me, are my friends. Luke has, obviously, gotten even closer to me than them or you have, but he and I have always had that whole twin thing, so I'm only counting people who aren't relatives. You made me feel things that I haven't ever felt before, and it scares me to know that one person can make me feel so very good, but can also make me feel so very bad. In my mind it makes perfect sense that if I don't let anyone get close to me in the first place, than it won't hurt when they abandon me."

At that very moment, hearing her talk about being abandoned, Danny started to comprehend the full impact his infidelity had had on her. Still, he needed her to confirm what he was beginning to understand in her own words.

"That's what I did, isn't it? When I started to pour all my physical and mental energy into being there for Rikki after Ruben died; I abandoned you," unadulterated cognizance the impact of his actions caused clear in his voice.

"Danny, I understand why you were there for her. Ruben was her entire world, and she lost that in the worst way possible. Granted, the situations are different, but I do have some understanding of what it's like to have the whole landscape of your life changed in a matter of moments. And to top it off, she was alone here. Her sister was taking care of their elderly mother, who couldn't travel, and her father had washed his hands of her because she graduated high school with a newborn baby," she explained, reciting what she had been told about the other woman's life. As much as Lindsay would have liked to place the blame for the crumbling of her and Danny's relationship solely on Rikki, she knew she couldn't do that. It would have been completely unfair since laying all the blame onto the grieving mother would have meant absolving Danny of responsibility for his actions.

Gazing at her with a mix of gratefulness and admiration he spoke his feelings, "Lindsay Monroe, you are the most incredible woman. Thank you for understanding why I was there for her and not laying all the blame for things on her. A lot of people would do that, blame the third party, and I'm happy you aren't one of those people. Rikki has been through a lot and I would hate to have her dealing with any more guilt, blame or, shame than necessary."

Holding herself a bit more rigid that minutes before and pulling her hands out of Danny's, Lindsay allowed herself to feel the way she felt and speak of this still very sore topic, "she's not totally blameless in all of this but, on the other side of the coin, she isn't the one who; betrayed my trust in you, deceived me, twisted conversations and events to justify unjustifiable actions and, tossed our relationship aside like a used tissue. _You_ are the one that did those things! _You_ are the one who said things and treated me in a way that made me feel unwanted, unloved, disrespected, and useless! _You_ are the one that was in a relationship with me, not her! _You_ are the one that had a responsibility to draw the line at being intimate with her, if for no other reason that out of respect for me and our relationship," Lindsay paused to gather her thoughts. She had made sure to put emphasis on the word 'you' in each sentence and now she needed to regroup before shifting directions slightly. "Yes, she had a responsibility to not use you just so she wouldn't have to be alone. Yes, she had a responsibility to not steal your gun and go after Ollie Barns. She had a lot of responsibility in this too, but since it was your actions that hurt me in the most direct way, I'm focusing on your actions and what was your responsibility to do. I can't just look at this and call out what you did, without looking at me and my actions because I did things that weren't right either."

Surprised by her statement that she had responsibility in all this too, he couldn't help but ask, "What do you mean you did things that weren't right?"

"I didn't exactly react in the best way to all this. You obviously needed someone to be there for you and I feel like I failed you in that respect," she hadn't admitted those feelings aloud to anyone yet, and wasn't sure how he would respond to her feelings. She didn't want to come off as though she thought the world should revolve around her, but telling him these things were a part of 'letting him in'.

Danny wanted to kick himself when he heard those words come out of her mouth. He knew that she had felt responsible for being cheated on, but they had talked about that and he had thought the feelings of responsibility, on her part, had been resolved. Apparently not. "Sweetheart, you didn't fail me! If anything I am the one who failed here. I didn't want you to start having nightmares or flashbacks about the diner, so I made the choice to push you away to shelter you from the ugliness of the situation and to keep you from seeing me weak and vulnerable. I'm the man here and as such, it's my job to protect you and make sure that you're safe. As a boyfriend, it's also my job to make sure you know that you're loved, cherished, wanted, and needed. I was such a mess, blaming myself for Ruben being shot. Blaming myself for not making sure he got home okay. I felt responsible for the pain Rikki was in and I felt like a failure because there wasn't a damned thing I could do to make her feel better. I was supposed to keep him safe. I was supposed to make sure he got home alright. If I couldn't do those two things, then how could I possibly take care of you, physically or emotionally? His mother was hurting because her son was dead and there wasn't a damned thing I could do to make her feel better. If I wasn't able to fix her pain, the pain I had caused her by failing her son, then how in the hell could I possibly be expected to make you smile the next time you were sad? How was a supposed to make everything okay when you woke up frightened from a nightmare if I couldn't keep a child safe? I convinced myself that I was doing the right thing by pushing you away. I failed to let you be there for me; not you failing to be there in the first place."

"So, at that point in time, you felt pretty worthless, like you had failed at a life mission that had been handed to you," it wasn't a question, but a statement. She knew that was how he had felt. After all, she had felt it herself.

"I really did," he nodded in agreement.

"When I lost the baby, I felt like I had failed him. I felt like I should have done something to prevent what happened."

"Babe, you had a miscarriage. They happen all the time, and as horrible as it is, there is nothing you could have done to prevent that. All you could do is deal with it the best way you know how, recover physically as well as emotionally, and then move forward with your life."

"It seems like, a lot of the things I should have been dealing with in my teenage years weren't dealt with very well, if at all," she mused.

Danny took a deep breath and let her words sink in before he spoke. Even though he hadn't known Lindsay back then, the absolute protectiveness he felt for her now, seemed to extend to back then and it ticked him off that in all this no one had seen fit to get his sweet baby girl the help and emotional support that she needed to get through such terrible things. He even had a sneaking suspicion that, had Lindsay's parents been plugged in back then, she may not even be dealing with the emotional turmoil of having gotten pregnant so young or having lost her child, over a decade later. But the fact remained that they weren't plugged in, so she was dealing with all this now, as well as having been cheated on and the deep-rooted abandonment issues she'd carried around with her for most of her life already.

"No, they weren't," he agreed as he pulled her legs up and across his lap. "You have a lot of unresolved issues left over from your adolescence and, while I'm glad that they have come to the surface, I am so sorry that my shitty actions were the trigger," he brought her hands to his lips and gingerly kissed the tip of all ten little fingers and each palm, tickling the sensitive skin with his goatee before wrapping one arm around her shoulders and the other low around her waist, his hand resting gently on the small of her back.

"Danny, I don't want you to be like me in fifteen years. I don't want _us_ to be like that in fifteen years, still dealing with Ruben's death and you sleeping with Rikki like it just happened. I want you to have made peace with that, to know that it wasn't your fault and to know that he knows you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I want you to be secure in the knowledge that he's in a good place where he's okay now. He's not hurting or scared any more. He'll always be a ten year old little boy that's so excited to be riding the bike you took him to get blessed. I want you to know that being cheated on majorly sucked, no way around it, but it was a mistake. You made a mistake and you've made amends for it. I want you to know that I have forgiven you for it and that I still love you and that every day I love you a little bit more than the day before. Dan, it won't always be easy for us, with the nature of our jobs and our personalities, but we can make this work. I know we can. I know it because I want to make this work," she finished her declaration of love and hope for his as well as their future together, a few tears sliding down her cheeks.

Danny brought his hands up to her face, cupping it and wiping away the tears with his thumbs, bringing his lips down on hers for a tender, heartfelt kiss that was full of all the emotion he felt so inadequate to express verbally. The emotions in the kiss directly mirrored every word she had expressed so beautifully and eloquently. His Montana sure did have a way with words.

"Thank you for saying such beautiful things. Thank you for being so honest and open with me. Thank you for always being there for me even when I'm being too stupid to realize it. Thank you for caring enough to let me know in no uncertain terms when I'm being a real dip shit. Thank you for always knowing when to say the things I need to hear."

'_You're welcome,'_ she mouthed in response to his last thank you.

"But most of all, I want to thank you for loving me," he finished as his own tears ran down his cheeks only to be sweetly kissed away by her soft, warm lips.

"I do love you very much. You're a good man Daniel Messer and you deserve to be loved and wanted as a lover and life partner. You deserve to be liked as a person and respected as a man. I feel all of that for you and more. I'm the one who should be thanking you for loving me."

Hearing her say that she did want him as a lover, Danny let out a mental sigh of relief. Despite all the talking they had done this month, and all the feelings they were beginning to explicitly share with one and other, a part of him still feared that she wouldn't ever be able to be intimate with him again; that she wouldn't want to be.

"What are you thinking about," she interrupted his thoughts, as she somehow managed to snuggle even deeper into his embrace.

"Us," he answered simply. When she pulled away to give him that, 'would you elaborate please' look, Danny chuckled. "I was just thinking about how far we've come this month, actually communicating with each other and sharing our feelings. I've never done that with anyone but you Linds and I don't think I ever will. I know things might never be the same as they were, but I want you to know that I'm committed to us and…" his words were cut off by her lips pressing against his.

Reflexively, Danny wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pulling her back against his chest as his lips delicately moved over hers, just savoring the intimate contact. In the beginning of their relationship, he had been quite surprised to find that Lindsay was the more sexually aggressive one, and this time was no different, as her tongue poked at the seam of his lips, asking for entrance, that he easily granted and took the same from her. Feeling his tongue running along every nook and cranny of her mouth, Lindsay let out a delicious little moan that had him hardening against her instantly.

'_Maybe we are ready for this,'_ he thought as he leaned back on the couch so that her body was stretching over his, and he could feel every inch of her, that wasn't covered by clothing, pressed against him. As if she had been thinking the same thing, Danny felt his shirt being worked up his body as her small hands ran over the plains of muscle on his hard back, running from his waistband up to his neck, before pulling the shirt over his head and dropping it next to them on the floor.

Danny followed suit with her shirt, and effortlessly rolled her under him as his lips attacked her neck, leaving a trail of nips and sucks, along her heated skin from the sensitive spot behind her ear down to her collar bone, all the while getting those wonderful gasps and mewling sounds from her that he loved so much.

"Danny…please," she groaned, the need for him evident in her voice.

"Please what baby? What is it you want," he whispered over her hot skin, nipping her collar bone a final time as he untangled her from her black, lacy bra and discarded it on the floor as he looked into her eyes and waited patiently for her to answer.

"I want," her voice trailed off into a moan at the feeling of his fingers trailing a line from her back, around her side, and under her breasts, where her bra had previously been. "I want you to make love to me."

Surprised by her forwardness, Danny spoke softly, "Are you sure? Once we do this, there's no going back."

"I've never been surer of anything," she whispered before claiming his lips in a searing kiss full of the present need and carrying a hope for the future.

Delicately, Danny stood up, his arms clutching her to his body and hers winding around his neck as her legs wrapped around his waist. Slowly, he moved them to the bedroom for a Saturday afternoon full of passion and the hope of a future with her, filled with the same.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5 Now You Know

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY or its characters. Hell, after having to file a Missing Muse's Report due to Consuela's sudden and prolonged disappearance from this story, I don't even particularly want to claim ownership of her!

A/N: Oh. My. God! I am so sorry you guys!! I didn't forget about this story; I promise, but school and life got in the way and then my muse took an unannounced leave of absence for awhile. She appears to be back in some capacity though. I've been working on this chapter off and on since the last time I updated in…*looks to see last update*…July, but one thing after another just kept getting in my way. Unexpectedly got pregnant, and then unexpectedly got hospitalized with a kidney and lung infection. Then I had to play catch up with my school work, which is getting more involved the more into my program that I am getting. Anyway, I'm pretty satisfied with this chapter. _**Beware though that the beginning is rated M for a reason!**_ I'm not changing the whole stories rating to M, because I haven't made up my mind if there will be anymore M chapters or not. It's been a long time since I've written anything M, so I am not terribly satisfied with what I've written there, but in the 50 times I've re-written that part, that's as good as it's gotten so I guess my obsessive-compulsive, perfectionist self is just gonna have to deal with it! And just because I really want y'all to know, I do love you guys and appreciate your continuing support for my writing, whether I am doing a one shot, or adding a chapter here; however sporadic it is! I hope y'all enjoy!

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Gently stretching, Danny carefully reached over the sleeping form securely anchored against his side and flipped the switch on the alarm clock to it's off position before laying back and momentarily holding his breath as Lindsay stirred in response to the movement of her human pillow before drifting back off again. He didn't want to wake her up, but he really didn't want the alarm waking her up a full three hours before she absolutely had to be up. If he were completely honest with himself, he also knew that his reason for not wanting her to wake up this early was so that he could engage in his favorite pastime of Lindsay watching, or covert stalking, as she called it. It was a pastime that he'd not had the right to engage in, even from afar, in a couple months and he was going to be damned if he let this renewed opportunity pass him by.

"Stop it," the sleepy voice startled Danny out of his thoughts, causing him to jump slightly, which caused her to giggle.

"Stop what," he asked feigning innocence.

"Stop staring at me."

"I'm not staring at you," he knew she wasn't going to buy it, but now that he'd been caught, he was pretty much obligated to at least attempt to deny his guilt.

"Of course you aren't," just to see what he would do, she attempted to roll away from him not the least bit surprised when Danny's strong arms locked around her preventing her from disentangling herself from him.

"And just where do you think you're going," he growled before placing a kiss just below her ear.

"Back to sleep; I don't have to be up for another," she twisted to look at the clock, "three hours."

Danny chuckled lightly at her response, tangling his fingers in her hair; he gently guided her head back down to lie on his chest.

"I have to get up soon, baby," he said after a few minutes.

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'," he asked in amusement.

"I mean no," she repeated and to emphasize her point, she cuddled closer into his body.

"So when Mac asks why I was AWOL from work, what should I tell him, that my girlfriend had a fit of clingy possessiveness and wouldn't let me get out of bed?"

"You can tell him you had a sudden attack of anal glaucoma for all I care," she looked up at him with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"And what, pray tell, is anal glaucoma? Because, you know, he'll ask that."

"You just can't see your ass coming into work today," she answered simply, having somehow managed to maneuver their positions during the conversation so that Danny was now on top of her, and her fingers were gently playing with the hairs on the back of his neck; something she knew very well turned him on.

Chuckling at her answer, he bent down and whispered in her ear, "somehow, I think that one's already filed under unacceptable excuses for missing work," he then kissed her thoroughly, having already decided that if they hurried, he either wouldn't be more than a few minutes late or he would make it in just under the wire.

"Well, if we hurry, you might not have to come up with any excuse at all," she whispered as he pulled his lips away from hers.

"You read my mind Miss Monroe," he said and took possession of her delectable mouth once again, in a kiss where tongues delved as deeply into the other's mouth as humanly possible as the pair engaged in the usual power struggle that took place between them whenever they made love. To them, it didn't matter if they were making love in one of their beds, or if it was like the first Easter Danny took her to have dinner with his family for the first time. Before the rest of the family arrived and it was time to eat, Danny took Lindsay on a walk around the neighborhood where he'd grown up and showed her his favorite spots to hang out, especially as an adolescent. He saved his favorite spot, the baseball field, for last where the two had ended up having a quickie right on home plate, before hastily dusting themselves off and heading back to his childhood home just in time for dinner. Thankfully, no one seemed noticed the remnants of dirt on their clothing, though Mrs. Messer kept looking over at the young couple with a sly smile on her face and knowing look in her eye. She knew.

Feeling one of Danny's hands gently cup the back of her neck and the palm of the other pressed against the back of her shoulder blade while his thick fingers curved around the top of said shoulder; and the gentle, rhythmic rocking of his hips against hers, allowing his hardening cock to rub against her sensitized clit with every forward motion, caused Lindsay to pull her mouth away from his and let loose a deep, pleasured moan.

Continuing his slow, gentle, rocking motions, Danny moved his slightly parted lips against hers; not in a way that could be called a kiss, but in a way that took each of her moans into his own mouth.

"Like that," it was more of a statement than a question. He didn't need a verbal yes or no answer to know she liked what he was doing to her. As a matter of fact, the words left his mouth in no more than a bare whisper, he having not intended for the words to be heard, but rather felt as his lips formed the words while lightly brushing against hers.

"Love me Danny," she breathed the request against his ear; her warm, evocative breath causing him to shiver hard from head to toe with the sudden, intensity of the arousal that had been created by the feelings of; her lips on his, her tongue stroking the inside of his mouth, her fingers playing at the nape of his neck, and the feeling of her hot breath and impassioned words on his skin and in his ear.

"I do, forever and ever," he promised as he placed open mouthed kisses, starting at her jaw and moving downward, while the hand that was on her shoulder traveled down the side of her body and came to rest, firmly on her hip.

Lindsay's fingers scrabbled for purchase on his shoulders, her back arching and a guttural moan tearing from her throat as his hot tongue lapped one of her taught nipples several times before lathing on and sucking.

"Danny," his name trailed off into another moan when he switched breasts to lavish the same treatment on it. His fingers gliding from her hip towards her inner thigh resulted in her nails scratching down his back, leaving marks that he was sure to have to explain in the locker room.

"You're so wet," Danny whispered in her ear as he gently played with her slick pussy lips.

"Danny," Lindsay moaned, bucking her hips when he pressed a finger against her swollen clit.

"What do you want, baby? Tell me."

"I…I…want you inside me," she panted as he ran his fingers along the length of her damp slit, nudging her clit on every upward trip.

In response, Danny stilled his fingers but didn't remove them from her as he nibbled at the juncture where her neck and shoulder met, nipping the skin leaving a red mark before pulling away and looking at her face; eyes closed, cheeks flushed, beads of sweat on her forehead, and her mouth open, panting for breath.

"Look at me Lindsay," he whispered, not wanting to jar her out of her bliss as he kissed her forehead. When she didn't respond, Danny kissed her cheek and tried again, "open your eyes for me." That worked. Her beautiful brown eyes fluttered open and met the clear blue of his. Danny just stared into her chocolate gaze for a moment until, without warning, he pushed one finger inside of her and she reflexively closed her eyes and arched her back, moaning at the sensation.

Sliding a second digit inside her, Lindsay let out another moan as he slowly started to pump her, her pussy clenching tightly around his fingers each time he pulled out. Adding his thumb to roughly rub circles on her aching clit, Danny whispered in her ear with each movement of his fingers.

"You're so incredibly wet." _Out._ "You feel so good around my fingers." _In._ "I want my cock buried as deep inside you as it'll go." _Out._ "I want to feel you convulsing around me, screaming my name as you come." _In._

As if in compliance with his last statement, her female muscles clamped around his fingers as her body shook and she came, his name coming from her lips in a drawn out, lustful moan.

After taking a moment to come back to herself, she opened her eyes to notice that he had withdrawn his fingers from her and was sucking off the juices, never breaking the eye contact they had.

"Make love to me, Danny," she requested without hesitation.

"Are you sure," he asked. When she nodded, he made a quick glance at the clock, realizing that they had enough time for a quickie.

In response, she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him down for a kiss so intense, that it could have easily melted the mattress springs. When Danny positioned himself to enter her, he was caught off guard when she wrapped one leg around his hips and flipped their positions, so that she was now straddling his waist.

"What? You didn't think I was going to let you be on top did you," she chuckled.

"Well…" his answer was cut off when she sunk down on him, taking in his entire length; only leaving him capable of muttering, "Holy shit".

Staring into his eyes, she began moving back and forth over him; allowing his hands to come to rest on her thighs. Her movements started out slow, but as her belly twisted into a ball, her movements became rougher and faster, in accordance with her moans. Danny's thrusts up into her, matched her movements perfectly. It didn't take long before one of his thumbs started rubbing circles on her clit; causing Lindsay's thrusts to still as her female muscles began to milk the throbbing cock inside her. Her body quaked and she threw her head back, screaming his name as the full force of her orgasm hit her. Danny only thrust a couple more times before he let himself go and came forcefully, shooting his load into her as he shouted her name in ecstasy.

Lindsay collapsed on his body, thoroughly satisfied and exhausted as Danny wrapped his arms around her back, holding her to him as they both came down from what had to be the most intense orgasm either had experienced in quite awhile.

After a few minutes Danny spoke, "I really do have to get up now."

"You can't call in sick," she mumbled into his chest.

"No, I can't. And neither can you, so that would negate the reasoning behind me calling in sick in the first place," Danny chuckled as she glared up at him from her spot on his chest.

"Kill joy," she muttered and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Real mature there, Montana," Danny joked as he reached over to re-set the alarm clock for when she had to be up; before moving her off of him and climbing out of bed. "Go back to sleep. I'll see you at work," he kissed her temple and she mumbled something inaudible as sleep claimed her as a victim once again.

'_I am so glad that she didn't throw out my spare set of clothes,'_ he thought as he headed for the shower.

* * *

Riding the elevator up to the thirty-fifth floor, Lindsay felt a twinge of excitement in the pit of her stomach. Of course, the twinge could also be caused by all the horizontal aerobics she and Danny had engaged in over the past, almost entire day; but Lindsay chose to pass it off as excitement to being back in the lab. After all, she had an entirely different outlook on things now, than she had the last time she left this building. The dinging of the elevator and opening doors jerked her from her thoughts as the perky brunette stepped into the fluorescent lights of the New York Crime Lab, for the first time in a month.

"Lindsay," the excited squeal of her name and hurried clacking of heels caught her attention, and she turned just in time to be enveloped in a crushing hug by a very excited Stella. "It's so good to have you back! Everyone has missed you so much, and the lab just hasn't quite been the same without you," Stella started babbling as she walked with her friend towards the locker room.

"I've missed everyone her too, Stel. It was good to have some time away; I really needed that to think about things, but I missed the lab like crazy! As for things not being the same without me, you mean as in..." she tailed off hoping that her friend would finish the thought for her.

"Let's just say that Danny wasn't the most pleasant of co-workers to have around," she answered in the way Lindsay had thought she would. "He didn't work himself into a sleep deprived state of delirium or anything, but he wasn't his usual self. I think you leaving really forced him to take a long hard look at everything that's happened lately."

"And by everything that's happened, you mean…" Lindsay started as the two women made their way into the break room for a cup of the lab's icky coffee.

"I mean, how he changed when Ruben died. How he stopped putting any passion into his job, withdrew from everyone, and generally became a shell of the Danny Messer we all knew. I mean how he cheated on you with Rikki Sandoval."

"So he told you about that," she stated unnecessarily. The last time Danny was at her apartment before she left for Boston, he'd told Lindsay all about the conversation with their no nonsense co-worker.

"He did," she confirmed, "and I have to say, for a minute there, manual strangulation seemed like it would be an appropriate punishment for him." Thinking back to that afternoon for a minute, Stella continued, "but I had already promised Mac that I wouldn't kill, injure or otherwise maim him in any way."

Lindsay shrugged, "I got so upset I threw a Pringles can at his head."

"Really," Stella knew that for all her manners and cool demeanor, Lindsay could get pretty fired up when properly provoked, but the image of her sending something sailing at Danny's head, was almost unreal. "I admire your restraint. I probably would have chucked a frying pan or something heavy and breakable," she admitted.

The younger woman smiled into her coffee, as she could actually see the Greek woman doing something like that. "That wouldn't have solved anything; only gotten me charged with third degree assault, and I can't imagine Mac taking too kindly to that one no matter _what _the reason," she finished making the woman across from her laugh in agreement as they both finished their drinks.

"So, where do things stand with the two of you right now?"

"Wow, just dive right in and say what you're thinking, Stel!"

"I don't believe in beating around the bush when it comes to matters as serious as my friends' happiness," she defended her bluntness.

"You're a great friend. Thanks for caring," Lindsay got off her stool and wrapped her taller friend in a genuine sisterly hug, showing that she did appreciate the sentiment.

Stella shrugged, "growing up in the orphanage, the nuns always said that if you wanted to have good friends, you needed to be a good friend first. So, what is the status of your and Danny's relationship," she wasn't about to let Lindsay out of the break room without first getting the latest developments on their situation."

"Well, before I went to Boston to see Penny and meet her boyfriend; you two would totally click, by the way," Lindsay allowed herself to get momentarily sidetracked at the thought of how much the two women reminded her of each other, "we talked…a lot. And we argued. I'm not sure what either of us was expecting, but I don't think we counted on that conversation being as difficult as it was. In the end though, it was a conversation that needed to happen. I told him some things about my past, about after the murders, which I hadn't ever told anyone before. And then when push came to shove, I told him exactly how his actions made me feel."

"How did he respond," Stella was very careful not to push too far. Lindsay had already revealed more about the situation with her and Danny in this one conversation, than she had revealed about herself in the almost three years that she had been in New York.

"He told me how he rationalized what he was doing to make it okay," she stated simply.

"And now," Stella knew not to push for more detail than that. Lindsay would reveal more when and if she felt the need to do so.

"And now, we're giving things another shot," she smiled brightly just as the sound of a throat clearing behind her halted the conversation.

"Oh! Hey, Mac."

"Hi Lindsay. I hate to interrupt this girl talk, but I need to see you in my office, to sign off on the paperwork so that you're back on official duty now," he smiled slightly at the two women and headed towards his office, confident that Lindsay would be along in a moment.

"Well, I better go tend to that so I can get back to work."

"It's good to have you back, kiddo," Stella called, and Lindsay turned back to flash a grin before heading towards Mac's office and another fresh start, both professionally and personally.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 6 Starting Over

Disclaimer: I don't own it. I never have. I never will. If I did, Danny would have used some common sense and reported that badge missing immediately!

A/N: Yes I have resurfaced and am alive. Sorry this took so long to get up! Life has insisted on being in my way lately. School has been super busy and family life has been even busier. On Christmas Day my grandma died and then right around the new year, we found out that my mom had tumors in her lungs and we were afraid that it was lung cancer- it wasn't, thank God, but that was a super stressful time. And then to top it off (yes, there's more), I had some medical issues around the middle of January that landed me in the hospital for a few days. As many of you know, I am expecting my fourth child in April. Well, I went into labor at twenty-nine weeks and ended up in the hospital over that weekend. I'm home now though, and hopefully everything will proceed as expected and he will join us when he is supposed to! Okay, on with the chapter!

A/N2: Don't shoot me for how it ends! Blame the muse! There is a plan…I promise!!! And I'll try to get the next chapter up with less delay. I'll try.

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While he waited Mac pulled out the appropriate forms, which he had already filled out the previous day, and sat them in a neat pile on his desk to await her signature. Within a couple minutes of entering his office, there was a knock at the door.

Smiling slightly, he waved the young woman in and gestured for her to take a seat on the red couch that sat opposite his desk. Instead of taking a seat behind the large desk, Mac took a seat on the chair next to the couch. Approaching Lindsay as an equal, rather than as his subordinate, was something he found himself doing quite a lot when it came to her lately.

"How was Boston?"

"Good. It was good."

"And your friend," he asked conversationally.

"Penny is doing well. She's seeing someone and I got to meet him. He's a really nice guy," Lindsay knew that Mac didn't always approach her in the same way he did everyone else on the team when it came to relating to her as a person and she was pretty sure that was a result of what he knew she had gone through as a teenager, but when it came to the job he treated her the same as everyone else, never doubting her ability to do her job because of her past trauma, and for that she was extremely grateful.

"You ready to get back to work?"

"I sure am," she paused for a moment before continuing, "thank you for letting me have the time off on such short notice. I really needed that to be able to put things into perspective better."

"I'm just glad your back, we all are. Things just haven't been the same without you around. You really bring something to the team and this lab, Lindsay." Yes, Mac Taylor did indeed have a human side, and did let his team know how important they were and how much he appreciated them, though he knew he didn't do that enough.

"Well, I'll try to get things back to normal around here and swipe goop under your nose this week, okay," she said with a laugh, referring to how he had been the guinea pig in her first demonstration, much to Stella's amusement.

"Sounds good, but if you want to use a lab tech…or Danny for that, I won't argue," he smiled before continuing, "you'll be in the lab today, so you have an opportunity to get caught up on things."

"Alright, paperwork it is," knowing he was talking about the small mountain on her desk.

"Just sign these and your officially back on duty," Mac handed her the papers for her signature.

Lindsay signed the papers, and with a final smile, headed to her office to start her shift.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey," Danny looked away from the computer screen as Lindsay took a seat at the desk across from him in their shared office and began gathering the papers she would need out of the bottom drawer of her desk.

"How'd things go? I heard you got ambushed by Stella as soon as you got off the elevator," he smirked at her, knowing how excited Stella must be to have her shopping buddy and partner in crime back.

"Things went well. I'm in the lab today, paperwork," she said mundanely before continuing, "It was nice to chat with Stella over coffee again."

"That's good," Danny was getting caught up in watching her organize herself for the task ahead, "and what did you two talk about," he didn't expect her to tell him, but it was worth a shot to ask.

"I told her all about how you were mean yesterday and wouldn't let me carve things into your head when I cut your hair."

"I'm sorry sweetheart, but I simply cannot commit baseball treason for your amusement," Danny shot back playfully as his pager went off. "That's Stella, I better get down to trace and see what's up. I'll see you later," he said, squeezing her shoulder as he passed on his way out the door.

* * *

"Hey Stel, what's up," he asked breezing into the lab and standing across the table from her.

"Lindsay's back," she stated unnecessarily and presumably off topic for the page.

Danny nodded, "she is; but that's not why you paged me, is it?"

"Oh, no, no it's not," she answered before continuing on with the original point of the page, "the dirt on our vic's pants, matches the dirt sample from Sanderson's shoes."

"So Angell's bringing him in?"

"When she finds him; it looks like he turned chicken shit at the prospect of going down for murder and ran."

"He wouldn't be the first one to do that," Danny muttered looking over the trace results.

"So…Lindsay," Stella went right back into her secondary reason for paging him. She wanted to talk to him away from Lindsay, where she could give him her no nonsense point of view without interruption and, since the trace lab as empty for the moment, this was as good a place as any.

"You're relentless," he said with a crooked smile and put down the report he'd been reading previously.

"She's my friend and I care. I just want to make sure she's not going to get hurt again," she explained honestly. Truth be told, Lindsay wasn't just a friend, she was more like the younger sister Stella had never had.

"Look, I know I made a horrible mistake and she didn't deserve to be treated like that. I'm doing the best I can with what she's given me."

"And what is that?"

"A chance. She's given me another chance to show her how much I love her and that I really want to be with her. I'm not about to screw that up…no matter what," Danny shocked himself and his co-worker into a momentary silence with the magnitude of his statement.

Not sure what to say next, the Greek woman thought it best to leave Danny alone to think about what he had just admitted aloud to her and, she thought, himself for the first time. "As my friend, I want you to be happy too," she said quietly before giving his forearm a squeeze as she walked out of the room, leaving Danny to think about what he'd just said.


End file.
